Site News

September 8, 2003

A new, greatly-anticipated (by like four people) section -- The Early Years -- has been added. This section will feature some of the timeless literary classics that I wrote as a kid. Why should you care? [shrug] I dunno, but you might be slightly amuased. Or incredibly annoyed. But that's not my fault.

August 13, 2003

Major stylistic overhaul of the site... no more black-text-on-white for y'all that hate eyestrain. Of course, I'm sure this isn't everyone's favorite color scheme, but I think it's pretty damn beautiful. Other highly reputable sources seem to agree:

"Dude, I love your color scheme!"

-- Anonymous

"You totally rule, webmaster!!"

-- Anonymous

August 10, 2003

Okay, yes, it's been a year since I've touched this thing, but that's what happens when you get a job in the real world and everything blows up. Figuratively, for the most part. Anyway, over the next week or so, I'm going to start implementing all of the juicy features that I've been dangling in front of you in the drop-down menus, like the Random Bad Romance Novel Generator and The Early Years. Prepare to face the wrath of He-Man as he whups your ass 492,901 - 6, MWAHAHAHA!!

July 14, 2002

Your brilliant webmaster accidentally deleted this Site News page yesterday. Oops. All news items below are merely dramatizations.

July 8, 2002

Act I, Scene 1

We find ourselves trapped in a thick fog. Invisible gunshots ring out from all directions. A distraught woman emerges from the mist, and she stumbles upon an agonized, contorted body.

Patricia: (gasps) "Oh my God, they've shot Earl!"
Earl: "Uggghh, my gall bladder-"

Earl's body spontaneously combusts.

Patricia: "Medic!! MEDIC!!!!!"

A rainbow-colored skeleton parades across the stage, holding a large, burning Portuguese flag high above its skull. The flag is tossed haphazardly into the audience, who panics and runs -- scccrreeeeeeammming! -- out of the theater.


June 19, 2002

I am proud to announce that, after two years of off-and-on development, Dr. Wolfgang's All-purpose Personality Test has been completed! Amuse yourself as Dr. Wolfgang tells you about your interpersonal, intrapersonal, and romantic inclinations, and evaluates your analytic and empathetic abilities.

May 1, 2002 appears. Be very, very afraid.